There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
