the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize