I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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