I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
