i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
