that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
oh god was she eating orange peels again
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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