That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
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