does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
