but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
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