I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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