i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
