i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
