Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
