You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
