thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
