Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Randomize