Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
So apparently I’m into choking now
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