I think I died a long time ago.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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