Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
