I didn't shave. On purpose
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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