Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Vodka?
Forever.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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