This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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