is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
