even my farts smell like vagina
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
