Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
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