Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
