Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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