I need help removing her.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
