We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
