I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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