He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
My penis needs a shock collar
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
