God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
