Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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