this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
