You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
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