Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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