how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
