His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
