Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
50% drunk capacity currently
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
