Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
