i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
