if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Randomize
