I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
