I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
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