I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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