In America we eat man semen.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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