were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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