So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Randomize
