you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
