I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize