I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
My vagina is officially offended.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
