It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
