just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
