i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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