Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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