I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Randomize
