I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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