My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize