Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
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