it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
