If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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