my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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