we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
