Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Randomize
