2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
