It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
