i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Green mimosas i think yes
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
