matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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