if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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