She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
