Sry I called you an 8
I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Having a random hookup so left but love u
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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