Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
where are my eyebrows?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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