i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
