Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
