I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
