i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
My pussy is not your playground.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Randomize