I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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